An ex-almost...

“No, we didn’t date. Technically he wasn’t an ex-boyfriend. But he was an ex-something, an ex-maybe. An ex-almost.” 

He used to tell her everything. From his crappy morning to where he'd go to bed and why he can't fall asleep. They used to laugh at every funny joke he loved to tell and at all the crazy things he always did. He was sweet. He was stubborn. He wasn't the nicest person in the world but he can be at times.

He was a guy who once confused my feelings.

She always knew he wanted them to get closer but she wasn't ready. They were friends, she though that was enough. They enjoyed each other's company and they were happy. She knew in herself that she never hinted him that she wanted to get their friendship to the next level (she was even verbal with it) but as they spent more time together they grew closer and closer. She never said she didn't like him, she did because he was a good guy, a bit difficult at times and super flirty but an okay guy nonetheless. She thought they clicked because she was a bit crazy like him and they had the same circle of friends in school.

Sometimes she tried turning down his offers of eating out or accompanying him somewhere but he was persistent. He had his ways of always making sure she said yes. Days went by and she was feeling more and more uncomfortable with their friendship because he started asking her (in texts and chats) more personal things about relationships and stuff. It was when things between them started getting awkward because she knew that sooner or later he'd eventually ask the can we be more than friends? question. They would see each other in the morning but not talk about the stuff they'd talked about the night before which just made everything worse. It was really awkward that their friends have started asking questions. Of course, she told them everything and that was when they started teasing them. Well, that's what friends are for, right?


Until he finally asked her. He dropped the I like you. Can we be more than friends? speech and she gave him the Can you wait? Because I'm still not ready... speech. It worked just fine because the following days they were back to their old selves. And in the following weeks he started to confuse her feelings. That was when she decided to finally give him a chance. She was ready.

I was ready but he'd already moved on.

She never told him but she was kinda falling for him. She also didn't tell him about the decision she made because she wanted to see if he would actually wait until she was ready. He told her he would and a part of her actually hoped he would. But one of her problems with him was that he was extra friendly with girls. She wasn't the jealous type but people were saying bad things about his being flirty with girls and she saw that herself. It was also one of the reasons why at first she didn't want them to be more than friends. It'd been four months since he asked her and things between them were fine if not great. They still spent time together just eating, laughing and having fun all the the time. They would see each other in the morning, text at night and tease each other all the chance they got. Things were working out for them. Another month passed and she was ready to tell him. She was excited, if you believe it. 

 Until she found out about this other girl. Maybe it was her fault for making him wait too long. Maybe it was her fault for not telling him sooner. Maybe. But that moment she was more relieved than angry because then she knew it was right that she didn't tell him her feelings right away. Then she knew he couldn't wait. Or maybe he wasn't really planning to. Who knew? She was hurt, of course. And she would be lying if she tells you that she didn't expect him to find another girl while he'd been telling her that he liked her because she did. Deep inside her she knew he was that kind of guy but somehow she was hoping, and praying, he wouldn't do that to her. Turned out, he already had. Because while she was falling for him, he'd already moved on to the next girl

 He was a friend who was an ex-almost.

They drifted apart after a while and she can't believe he just stopped texting her. She was mad because he could've at least told her that he can't wait anymore and be man enough to tell her he liked another girl. She would've forgiven him if he was honest to her and blamed her for making him wait too long because then she'd understand it was her fault. But to just leave and not say anything was a jerk move. Because all those times he was acting like he still liked her but in truth he was already making a move to another girl. It was like one day he was confessing his love to her but the next all his feelings were gone and he didn't know her anymore.

She was pissed because she should've known. She shouldn't have let her feelings get the best of her because she knew the guy! He was her friend and she knew him. But the funny part was she really hoped he would change for her. That was foolish, she knew, but you can't blame her for hoping. He was her friend after all. The guy who was an ex-almost.

 (8-25-15 /8-21-16/10-17-16)

Book: It Ends With Us by Colleen Hoover

★★★★★/★★★★★

“Just because someone hurts you doesn’t mean you can simply stop loving them. It’s not a person’s actions that hurt the most. It’s the love. If there was no love attached to the action, the pain would be a little easier to bear.”

Naked truth:  This book is probably the best book I've read this year!

Colleen Hoover sure knows how to break hearts! Because this books just managed to break mine and my tears just won't stop pouring for the most part of the book. Like, seriously! It was like I was feeling Lily's pain and oh my god it hurt! :'( But that ending was perfect! ♥

SOMETIMES THE ONE WHO LOVES YOU IS THE ONE WHO HURTS YOU THE MOST

It Ends With Us is a powerful, emotional and beautiful story that gives us an outlook of life, family and relationships with some of their ugly sides. Colleen was able to write a story we can all relate with and what I loved most in this book was its honesty. It was very sad and painful but very honest. EVERYONE should read this book! The story doesn't only give us an inspiring story but it teaches us how to have the strength to make right choices especially in the hardest situations.

[Warning: This review contains some spoilers!]

Lily Bloom, just like some us, didn't have the perfect family. And really, who has ever had a perfect family? She grew up with her father occasionally hitting her mother and she hated her father for that. As a child she didn't understand why her mother stayed but as she became older she realized that sometimes the people we love are the ones who hurt us the most.

Now in her early twenties, Lily is living in Boston in hope of starting her own business. She moved out of her parents' house after graduating and somehow she just wants to see if everything is really better in Boston. On the night of her father's funeral, she meets Ryle Kincaid on some rooftop she Googled and right there and then they just start telling each other naked truths. Their meeting didn't end there and next thing they knew they are falling in love with each other. But as Lily and Ryle begin to get serious, someone from Lily's past just suddenly reappears. Someone who held, still holds, a piece of her heart. Atlas.

I have so many things I liked in this book and let me start with how much I loved the characters! Lily is such a brave and lovely and talented and amazing character. She's smart and she likes making bold decisions because she trusts herself to succeed. She's able to start up her own business; a flower shop with the help of her new bff, Allysa, Ryle's sister. Everything is going right for her and she can't believe how things are turning up. She has her own business, she's married Ryle and she's in good terms with her mother. Until things from her past start to hunt her. What she went through wasn't easy; seeing her mother getting abused by her father and now she's experiencing the same in the hands of her own husband. She told herself she's not going to be like her mother but soon she finds herself in the same situation, not being able to just walk away. And now she understands why her mother chose to stay: because it's not that easy especially when you truly love the person.

Ryle is the kind of character you easily fall in love with. He's straightforward and ambitious and maybe a bit arrogant but just like the rest of us he's got his issues. He may be successful and looks so perfect on the outside but he's just as broken. His childhood had done some serious damage on him and now it's threatening his relationship with Lily. I actually loved him because he's very sweet (and sometimes cliché) but I didn't care because he loves Lily! And he loves her so much to let her go! :'(

“I feel like everyone fakes who they really are, when deep down we’re all equal amounts of screwed up. Some of us are just better at hiding it than others.”

 Some of my favorite parts were of Ryle because he's just so in love with Lily it hurt. He might have told her that he prioritizes his career more than anything else but he's willing to put it second just for Lily.

“If you don’t want to be with me . . . please tell me right now, Lily. Because when I saw you with him . . . that hurt. I never want to feel that again. And if it hurts this much now, I’m terrified to think of what it could do to me a year from now.”

Now, now, let's get to Atlas Corrigan. While I loved Ryle, I really really loved Atlas! Atlas showed up in Lily's life when she was fifteen. He was homeless then, finding shelter in the abandoned house at the back of Lily's  house. When Lily found out about his situation, she began to worry and eventually decided to help him. As they spent time together, they got to know each other and feelings started to grow. But Atlas had to leave. He didn't have a choice and like it or not he had to leave Lily. Before leaving, he made a promise to find her when he knew he's already good enough for her and told her that if she ever though of finding him in the future then she knew where to look; in Boston where everything is better.

Atlas's story is as heartbreaking as Lily's and Ryle's. He ran away from home and his mother didn't care much. He was actually ready to end his life but when he saw Lily, it gave him hope. And I guess that's a really powerful scene.

“You saved my life, Lily,” he said to me. “And you weren’t even trying.”

During those times Lily was with Atlas, she was also writing to Ellen DeGeneres. She never sent them but it was her form of journal in which she wrote to Ellen and told her everything that's happened to her including Atlas. Especially Atlas. Later, Lily introduced The Ellen DeGeneres Show to Atlas and it somehow became a big part of their lives. So when Atlas left, Lily stopped watching it. She just can't watch Ellen without Atlas. She also stopped writing. Because what's the point if she can't tell Ellen about Atlas anymore. After some years, Atlas reappears in Lily's life and it's when her relationship with Ryle is threatened. Lily still remembers everything about Atlas and how could she forget him when he was her first love—her protector.

Lily,

Atlas says just keep swimming.

—Ellen DeGeneres

Now that Atlas and Lily have met again and Ryle found out about it, things between Lily and Ryle start to go south. Ryle starts to do things he doesn't mean to do and he ends up asking for Lily's forgiveness over and over again. The first time it happens, Lily lets it slip. The second time she tries to convince herself it won't happen again but the third time, it's too much. She has to walk away. And Atlas is there when she needs someone the most.

I knew what Ryle did to Lily would permanently damage their relationship but I was actually hoping for Lily to give him one last chance! But at the same time I wanted to punch Ryle and tell him to fudge off! And then some parts of me were rooting for Atlas to just grab Lily and take her away where no one can hurt her! I know it's a little fuck up but I just wanted everything to be fine with Lily! She didn't deserve that shit and someone just please hand me a tissue because I feel like crying! Again! :'(

 Naked truth: Atlas is just so perfect I want to marry him! 

“In the future . . . if by some miracle you ever find yourself in the position to fall in love again . . . fall in love with me.” He presses his lips against my forehead. “You’re still my favorite person, Lily. Always will be.”

 Other characters that I loved are Allysa and Marshall! They are just as endearing and they are a lovely and funny couple. I liked that Allysa became Lily's bestfriend and together their girl power is just too much! And let's not forget Lily's mother. I loved that she and Lily are in a good relationship and that they take care of each other.

 “Sometimes even grown women need their mother’s comfort so we can just take a break from having to be strong all the time.”

I can't imagine how hard and painful it must be for Lily's mother all those times. She's been a very strong mother, enduring her husband's beating just because she loved him. My heart broke for her. :'( And Lily must've not understood before but now she knows how brave and strong her mother has been. But unlike her mother, she chose to walk away because she knew it's for the best. Both for her and Emerson!

“It stops here. With me and you. It ends with us.”

 

Gahhh! I still can't get over this book. Maybe not for another week. Or month! It's just soooo good that I'm forcing my sister to read it. YOU SHOULD READ THIS!! Colleen managed to give us a very powerful story and I hope everyone gets the message she wanted to deliver. It's heavy and painful but let's learn from it. 

This book is really especial and I hope it reaches more readers! Good Job, Colleen for writing a book that will forever be in my heart. ♥

 

- - - - -

People say that teenagers don’t know how to love like an adult. Part of me believes that, but I’m not an adult and so I have nothing to compare it to. But I do believe it’s probably different. I’m sure there’s more substance in the love between two adults than there is between two teenagers. There’s probably more maturity, more respect, more responsibility. But no matter how different the substance of a love might be at different ages in a person’s life, I know that love still has to weigh the same. You feel that weight on your shoulders and in your stomach and on your heart no matter how old you are.

MovingOn 101

There are so many reasons why couples break up. Personal, family-related or sometimes just plain stupid reason. But whatever it may be, there's gotta be one. You may not understand it now but you have to accept the fact that they choose to end things with you, to leave. And sometimes you can't do anything about it. It's their choice, their decision.

Nobody said it's easy to move on. But nobody also said that it's impossible. Yes, it's hard but in time you'll eventually learn how to let go and realize that sometimes there are people who don't belong in your life anymore. So here are the things you need to do so you can finally move on from your past (him). 

*Throw everything that reminds you of him.

Gifts, love letters, photos, his shirt. These things are memories and as long as they are around, it's impossible for you to erase him from your head. Throw them away or donate them in the charity. It'll make you feel better because at least you know that they go to a good cause. 

*Eat ice cream. A lot of ice cream! 

Ice cream always help. And who doesn't love ice cream anyway? Talk about him one last time over ice cream and a good cry with you bestfriends but make sure to forget about him after. There's nothing ice cream can't solve, they say.  

*Go out more, meet new people.

Meeting new people is good because it will distract you from thinking about him. Making new friends will help you create new memories that can replace the ones from your past. Especially the ones about him. So don't just stay home and go have dates with your bestfriends.

*Don't stalk his Facebook/Instagram account. 

It won't help. It will only make you bitter. And you don't want to be the creepy ex girlfriend who stalks her ex so don't. Just don't! 

*Ignore things that have meaning to you when you were still together.

Anniversary date, his favorite band and places you used to go to. Try not to sulk when your anniversary date comes, don't turn off the radio when his favorite band is playing, don't avoid places you used to go to with him, act like they don't mean anything to you and eventually they won't anymore. It just needs a little getting used to and a little patience.  

*Be open to someone new. 

Say 'yes' when someone asks you to a movie. Say 'yes' when someone asks you out on a dinner. Try to open up with someone new and get to know them more. Even just as friends, they will somehow take your thoughts away from your past. 

*Try not to get affected when you hear his name.

Surely he's not the only one with the name Ryan or Martin or Tom so try not to react whenever you hear his name. Better yet, think that someone might be calling for their dog or cat.

*Don't be bitter, it's not good. 

When you see him again, smile and show him what he lost when he left. Don't let him get into you again and show him that you're better off without him. Smile then walk away. 

*Move on.

It's hard but you have to. It may take a while but you need to. Forget about him. 

If after all these you can't still let go, then you're screwed! 

(Kidding! Of course it takes time. But the best way to move on is to find someone new.)