Silence means something.

Over thinking, tired of waiting, falling apart, crying inside, or all of the above.

All of the above.

-Over thinking. Mostly, on times like today, I should be just watching movies since we still don't have lectures and school work. But lately I've been thinking too much about our thesis since we had a problem regarding our subject. We had to change it and find another beach resort which was a bit hard. But thankfully now we found a good one and they already agreed on allowing us to conduct a survey. But there are still problems like money, time, transportation and accompanies. I'm in bankrupt mode right now so I'm having a problem where to get money that I can spend. Time, we only have a week left to do this and I know it's impossible that we finish it on time. But still, have hope. Transportation, we don't have a car and a driver. Fudge! And we also need people who we can share expenses with so that it won't be too much for our pockets.We're also having a problem with the revisions and questionnaires.Thesis, money, deadline and everything else, I don't know what to do anymore. T_T

-Tired of waiting. Honestly I don't mind waiting, but if it means waiting for forever, then forget it. I have other things to wait for so I better not waste my time on something or someone I know will take forever to come. But still, I want to wait, I want to hope. I don't know but I want to believe that somehow that thing or person will eventually come. Maybe not today, not tomorrow but someday.And maybe I'm tired of waiting but I know that when time comes, and that thing finally comes, then everything will be worth it. I hope. So even though I am tired of waiting, I will still wait. I will hang on and just believe and hope that someday, somehow, it will come.

- Falling apart. That feeling when you can't tell anyone how are you feeling inside.That you are tired, you are sad, you are broken, you are hurt and that you feel so alone. You just can't tell anyone because you feel that they don't care. You think that who cares if you feel alone, who cares if you are sad and who cares if you are broken. And it is normal to feel that way sometimes, but still it's nice to know that there is someone who can tell that you are not fine even though you tell her or him a million times that you are. It's nice to know that somehow, someone knows that  you are falling apart and that they are willing to pull you up, to help you up.

- Crying inside. Put on a smile and everything will be fine. Well, that's what I thought. But sometimes it's hard to put on a fake smile when you really want to cry. It's hard to pretend you're okay when you are really not. But you know what's harder? It is letting others think that you are fine without them noticing that you are only lying. It's hard, it's sad. But you still pretend because you think it's better that you keep it to yourself than telling people who don't give a damn whatever you feel. You think it's better to just keep it inside than bothering others with your endless drama. So sometimes, I have no choice but to smile and let others think that I am fine, that I am okay. I have to show them a fake smile and fool them even if it means fooling myself too.

But even though I feel these things, I am sure of one thing... God is always there for me and he will never ever leave me. He will always guide me and He will always be by my side. ❤



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