What if?

What if he comes back?
What if you meet again?
What if you still feel the same?
What if he still feels the same?
  What if?
 051414

29 Dates To Go On With Your Best Friends :)

By Chelsea Fagan 

1. Go to an amusement park together and try all of the rides you’re normally too scared to go on. (Make sure to eat the cotton candy and snow cones after you spin around in circles for hours.)

2. Stay up all night when it’s nice out and drink wine under the stars, talking about all the things you’re usually too embarrassed or afraid to admit.

3. Treat yourselves to a nice dinner out at a fancy place when one of you gets a Groupon for it. Order dishes made for two and laugh when the waiter and other diners look at you bizarrely.

4. Pick a recipe that you’re almost 100 percent sure you’re not skilled enough to make, and make it together. (Feel free to have a fair amount of wine throughout the cooking process, even if it means you’re more likely to mess the recipe up.)

5. Go to an apple orchard or pumpkin patch and pick produce while wearing adorable, hand-knitted scarves. Instagram pictures of yourselves and basically make everyone else want to vomit with how adorable you are.

6. Get absurdly dressed up and go to your high school reunion together, only to get buzzed on champagne and judge everyone in the corner together.

7. Watch all of your favorite movies all day curled up under blankets, drinking hot cocoa and eating popcorn.

8. Go to a bar for happy hour and eat 25-cent wings until your tummies hurt.

9. Take a road trip on the weekend to a place in your area you’ve never been before. Find a place to couch surf, or sleep outdoors if the weather is nice. Bring a cooler full of snacks and drinks to share with people you meet along the way.

10. Go to a zoo.

11. Go to a petting zoo and spend an inordinate amount of time cuddling with a baby pig while you take pictures of each other and plot how you’re going to steal it.

12. Listen to a new album that you’ve both been hearing about for a long time but haven’t taken the time to listen to yet, and then talk (or possibly blog) about what you think of it.

13. Go to a really fancy store where you know the salespeople are going to be really bitchy and judgmental, and take all the time your little hearts desire looking at things/trying them on, regardless of the sideways glares you’re getting.

14. Go to a thrift store afterwards and pick up things infinitely more interesting, and for 1/100th the price.

15. Make delicious snacks such as chocolate-dipped pretzels and white cheddar popcorn, then sneak them into the movie theater with you to go watch a kid’s movie. Also consider a Powerade bottle full of rosé wine.

16. Re-watch all the episodes of your favorite TV show.

17. Read an issue of Cosmo cover-to-cover and make fun of everything (while secretly noting the things which seem like they’re going to be useful/sexy).

18. Go to a museum and pretend to understand the first thing about art.

19. Go walk around your old school grounds and see what’s different, and what’s the same. (Try not to marvel at how much older you look than everyone now.)

20. Spend all afternoon in a coffee shop, reading books next to each other and watching people come in and out.

21. Go sledding when it snows, even if the hill is pathetically small. Make a ramp out of packed snow and take videos of each other busting your asses falling off of it.

22. Play Truth or Dare, and actually do everything you get dared to do. Yes, even if it’s “Run through the snow in your underwear screaming ‘penis’ at the top of your lungs.” And be honest when the truth comes, even if it’s really embarrassing.

23. Have an arts-and-crafts session where you make one another paintings to hang up in your respective apartments. And hang them up, even if they look terrible. They’ll be the best piece of wall art you’ll ever have.

24. Bake cupcakes.

25. Go for a long walk in the park, not necessarily talking, but just enjoying being in a beautiful place together when the weather is nice and the animals are out.

26. Go to a pet store and play with the puppies until you’re essentially in tears over the fact that you can’t have one.

27. Offer to pet-sit for someone and quench your puppy-owning thirst by taking care of one together for a few days.

28. Learn a new sport together, even if you’re both terrible at it. Even if you give up after the first tennis lesson, or ski session, or turn around the ice skating rink. Give it a try and don’t laugh at each other (too much).

29. Play board games at your house with fancy cocktails and yummy snacks and good music, and don’t worry about who wins or how late you stay up. Try to remember that having time with them is precious, and should never be taken for granted. Even if they always beat you at Monopoly. 


-This sounds good. I suddenly miss my bestfreinds. It's just sad that we're kinda in a not so good relationship right now. :(

070613

Back to being AWKWARD.

I know this. I swear I felt this before. And I hated that feeling. I hated it that I swore I wouldn't want to feel it again. But here we go again. We're back on feeling awkward with each other. Damn!

I don't know what happened but when I woke up one day, we suddenly stopped talking to each other. Like we're not friends anymore. It's sad but I think you have your reasons. And I believe that everything happens for a reason. I may not understand it now, but I know someday I will. :)

And maybe accepting that things don't always go the way we want it to be would be great. Accepting and moving on. :))

032513

Crush?

Hanggang crush na lang ba talaga?

Nagpaparamdam, nangbobola, nang-aasar, pero hanggang don na lang ba un? Hanggang pacute na lang? Naiinis ako kasi ang dami nga nila, wala namang nanliligaw. Aanhin ko ung maraming nagkakacrush kung hindi naman sila nanliligaw? 

KFine. Hanggang crush na lang. 

030313

I suck at LOVE :(

Stop looking for perfect partners. Just find someone who knows how lucky they are when they have you.

I know. But why do I always look for someone else? There is someone who's happy to have me and who loves me for who I am. But why can't I accept him? Why can't I let him love me? Why? I don't understand. Maybe it's because I really suck at love.

We're friends. And I thought that's all we can be. But I was wrong. I'm hurt, I'm jealous, I'm wrong. I should've given him a chance. I should've told him what I really feel. Now everything's not the same. He's avoiding me, he's not talking to me and he's not even looking at me. And believe me it hurts. We're together but it's like we don't see each other. We're on the same room but it feels like we're worlds apart. We're friends but it feels like we're strangers. Or at least we were friends. And I hate it when he doesn't say hi, I hate it when he doesn't talk to me and I hate it most when he ignores me in front our our friends. I hate it

It's weird and it hurts.

Time machine please? So I can go back to that time when he asked me that thing. That thing that ruined everything! That thing that ruined our friendship! That thing I will never want to hear again! 

Well, now I can say that i really suck at everything. Even in love. Poor me. :'<

101612

I Hate that I don't Hate You!

I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I  hate you!!! 

But I really don't! >.<

That's why I hate myself even more. Because I can't bring myself to hate you.

You're selfish and cold and unfair and mean and everything I always hated but still I can't hate you. 

I hate you! Really! But I don't! I'm crazy I know. It's just that....... I can't hate you! 

I can't. I Can't. I CAN'T! :(((((((

100712

Before vs Now

Before                                                                                  Now

You used to text me every day.                                        No more text from you anymore.

You used to wait for me after school.           You don’t want me to see you anymore.

You used to ask my friends where I was                        You don’t talk about me anymore.

when I wasn’t with them.

You used to tell me everything.                                   You don’t talk to me anymore.

You used to accompany me everywhere.                                      You’re avoiding me now.

You used to care about me.                                     You don’t give a damn about me now.

You used to like me.                                        I don’t know if you still feel the same.

How sad life can be :(

Distance Pls!

I said I wanted you to distance yourself a little, not to never talk to me again T__T

I don't know why I feel like this, but he makes me feel like I did something wrong. Like I slapped him on the face and told him to never talk to me again. We're like magnets now with same poles, we repel. When we see each other, it's automatic that one of us will take different way. Yeah! It's hard... if you know what I mean. It's like I'm a monster who will eat him if he goes near me. And I tell you, it feels bad to be avoided by someone :|

We're friends and all I want is for us to remain friends, forever. That's why I didn't want us to have something that I know might only ruin our friendship. It's better to be just friends where everything is simple, where we feel comfortable talking about everything. It's better not to have any commitment that might just mess up everything, it's better to be just the way we are.

 "Sometimes you just need to distance yourself from people"

Now it's kinda hard since he's avoiding me and he's not talking to me. I feel guilty or whatever since I was the one who pushed him away. And what I thought might be better just turned out to be the worst thing for us. I wanted that, I believed it was right, but why do I feel this way? Why? I just wanna know coz right now, I'm so confused :| I don't know if it's just because I lost another good friend or it's something else.

I'm not sure

I don't know. 

I'm really confused!

 -083112

When you're avoiding something, the more it comes to you...

I've been avoiding a question from my friend since he last asked me about it and believe me it's hard. I mean, every time I feel that he's going to ask me about it, I avoid him or I try to get our conversation somewhere but I always fail. In the end he's always able to ask me that question. What's the question? "Dez, kelan ako pwede manligaw?" 

It's not that I don't like this person or what, but I only regard him as a friend, nothing less, nothing more. He's sometimes mean (and I hate him for that!) but there are also times that he's nice (specially when it comes to me) Anyway, I've known him for 4 years already but I only got to be close to him when we were 3rd yr so technically 2 years. He's my friend's best friend and now he's an irregular at our school. And it's better that we're not block mates since we don't take most of our subjects together. Hmm. So when he asked me if he can court me, I told him that I'm still not allowed to have a boyfriend. And I told him that when we graduate, then maybe he can already court me. :)

But what if he asks me again? and again? and again? Coz as far as I remember, it's already been the 3rd time he asked me about it. :( Maybe he thinks that I will change my mind sooner or later. But no. We will stay as friends until we graduate, until forever. Only friends.

I know we're just friends and that's all we can ever be.

080212

Confession..

Isn't it nice when someone confesses love to you? When he makes an effort just to talk to you everyday or see you every after school. When he boasts about you to his friends and when he always tries to make you smile even on your darkest days? Well, it is. It feels great and it's just amazing. ♥

I got confessions so many times before and they were all different. Some were lies, some were true, some were just for fun and some were just plain jokes. And I've already learned my lesson because of those. Never ever believe a confession unless you really really really, i mean REALLY know the person. Really! Because it's just natural for us to feel good if someone confesses to us but if it comes from someone you just met or you're just friends for just about 2 or 3 months, then I believe you should think about it first. Think about it a million times first.

I have this friend Y, well he's actually my friend X's brother , who has been my chat buddy  for a long time now. We kinda argue now and then but he's not that bad. I mean I can talk to him just about everything and he would tell me things about him too.I remember when he told me about this girl he likes, liked I mean and he would ask me for some pieces of advice on what to do or what to tell her. And of course as a friend, I told him the right things to do. And fortunately he finally realized what he should've realized a long time ago, that the girl didn't like him at all. It's not that I hate the girl, but the way he told me things about her, I could already imagine what she's like. Maybe I just don't fully understand her but I don't want my friend to get hurt so I told him that I'll vote no for her, as in NO for that girl. And he trusted me. I think now he's avoiding her even though he really really really likes her a lot. Poor boy.

Oh well, back to that confession thing, I can't believe he just confessed to me. And he said he already confessed to me years ago and I said no, but I actually don't remember a thing about that and I don't even remember that we were already friends that time. Lol. I've known him for 4 or 5 years already and it's not that I don't like him, but I really don't know if I can trust his feelings or not. I mean he'd been telling me his feelings about that girl lately and now he's been telling me that he likes me. See? it's hard to believe since it's just days or just a week since he decided to let go of the girl and I'm not really sure if he already did let go and now he's telling me weird things like he likes me or he loves me. Weeeiiirrrrdddd! Maybe he's just brokenhearted and he's just confused about me. But that's not the problem......... the problem is, I can't tell him that I don't like him because I like his brother X. See? How ironic. He likes me but I like his brother who likes another girl.

Well, friends will be just friends just like me and Y, and hidden feelings will always be just hidden unless I finally have the courage to go straight to X's face and tell him everything. How I wish! And it's awkward if I make a confession to a guy. Guys are supposed to do the confessions right? So I'm not doing it. Never! :| So I guess I'll just have to wait until X and his girlfriend break up and until he realizes that he still likes me. Then maybe he would finally confess to me. Finally!

So I'm just saying that confessions are not easy, but it's not that hard at all if you have the courage to say it. But still, it is hard. Anyway, I got another confession from a wrong guy and I don't know if one day I'll be able to believe another confession because right now, I can't afford another heartbreak. Maybe someday.

-072212

And it all began when.....

 I still remember that day... The first time we became close to each other. It was years ago, 4 years to be exact. We were in 3rd year highschool doing our I P project and it was one of the best times of our lives, well, for me it was one of those. It all started when we did our Banana Whitening Cream in his house... March 1, 2008 ♥

I just remembered since I accidentally saw his e mail add when I was browsing my sent items this evening to look for my prof's e mail add. The subject was I P and then it all came back to me. That was the e mail I sent him regarding our I P Project. Banana Whitening Cream was our title and the e mail contained the whole research paper. 

I still remember, it was Sunday and our group mates didn't make it. So we did it all by ourselves, him and I. I went to his house where he introduced me to his family. Well, they were friendly and nice. Anyway, back to our I P Project, first we searched some books for other information, then jotted down references and then after a while got bored. And just like any other teens who easily get bored reading, we decided to take a break and just chatted and talked about everything. I actually enjoyed his company because he was funny and sweet. :) I liked it when he told me things that made me smile. He also used to be the Mr. Bean of our class because he kinda looked like Mr. Bean. Anyway, after talking and eating and everything and our I P (of course), I went home smiling. And it was one of the best days of my life.

March 01, 2008, how can I forget you? How can I forget that first day of March when I got so happy just because I spent it with you? And how on earth can I forget you when you gave me so much to remember? :( Anyway, I just remembered. Kinda sad but somehow it brought back memories, good ones.

071712 

Poem: Both sides of the Story :(

Coz I’m just a girl                                              Coz I’m just a boy

Just an ordinary girl,                                      Just an ordinary boy,

I wear t-shirt and jeans                              I don’t boast what I have or wear

I’m not like any other teens…                Who cares? Coz I don’t even care…

I sit in class next to Einstein                  I hate my class and my teachers too

My lab partner was never on time,              Coz they notice everything I do,

I hate PE but I love Math                                  I hate Math but Music rocks

Everything’s fine, well it’s not…                Everything’s fine, yes it sucks…        

I don’t dye my hair blonde or brown              I don’t have sports or anything

And I don’t drink when I feel down,              Just my music and my dancing,

I don’t party and go to bars                          I don’t hang out with other guys

I don’t have one of those cars…              Coz I don’t pretend and I hate lies…

And I don’t smoke or wear make up        I don’t smoke but I sometimes drink

I study to make it on the top,                             I don’t study but I sure think,

I like someone but he’s obscure                       I like someone but she’s difficult

He’s different and I’m not sure…               She’s beautiful and she’s different…

I barely see him in school                             She’s a bookworm and she’s smart

But he seems kind and somehow cool,        But she never talks and she’s snob,

He walks around with his earphones on     She walks around with her iPod on

And I always see him alone…                                   And I always see her sad…

We never knew each other                                  We never talked to each other

But we always see each other,                           But we sure pass by each other,

He’s tall and cute but barely smiles           She’s nice and cute but barely smiles

I like him but I’m afraid to try…                       I like her but I’m scared to try…

And he’ll never notice me                                          And she’ll never notice me

Coz I’m a girl that no one sees,                           Coz I’m a guy that no one sees,

He’ll never look, he’ll never feel                      She’ll never look, she’ll never feel

The way I do coz he’s just too real…         The way I do coz she’s just too real…

        

                                      

                                                                               -071212

I love you from the very first day :">

--- Hi. Hello. I'm J. I'm D. Can we be friends? I love to. Can we date? I'll love to know you more. I think I like you. I think I like you too. Can you be my girlfriend? I love you. I love you too. ---

Love at first sight. The first time I saw you I already knew I love you :"> 

062312

First Love :">

Can you really forget your first love? I mean, does it really have a hold on you? I guess so. Coz until now, I still have that first love in my heart. Maybe past and hidden but never forgotten.

 

They always say that first love never dies and it always stays in your heart. I guess they're right. No matter how long it has been or no matter what happened, you can never forget your first love. And admit it or not, maybe not always just sometimes, you remember that person who made your heart skip a beat for the first time. Sometimes you think of what ifs with him. What if you're still together? What if it worked out? What if you held on? and things like those. And most of the time, seeing something that reminds you of that person, even just a single thing, brings back all the memories you had together. Good or bad, everything. It maybe a picture together, a shirt you used to share, a gift on your monthsary or even a text message. So many things that remind you of that person that sometimes you can't help but think about him again. And feelings start to haunt you again.

My first love was a not so good one. I was in 4th year high school then when someone confessed to me. He's a good and smart guy. He told me he liked me but I only thought of him as a friend. He used to call  me every night and texted me everyday. And he would call even though I already told him not to. It was like he never get tired of talking to me, and I liked it. I mean he was showing me his effort and it was nice to think that someone was making an effort just to talk to you. We used to exchange letters too but I only gave him heartbreaking ones. I would say in the letter things like, don't call me again! never ever call me again! and some other hurtful words. Well, it was not like I didn't like him but I just thought that we were still young for things like those. And I already felt that time that his feelings might still change so we should not hurry ourselves to it. But still we gave it a try. At first it was awkward but we get used to it. Until something came up and things just suddenly went wrong. And it ended. That was my first love. A very short but unforgettable one. 

And now, it's coming back to me. Every time I see that person, something inside me is thumping and saying things like here we go again and stay away from me. It's funny but old feelings come back every time I'm with him and it somehow feels great seeing him again. And I thought that somehow he changed but he really didn't. He's still caring and thoughtful just like before. He's still funny and smart and knows how to make me smile just like before. But I wonder if his feelings changed. Has he forgotten his feelings for me already or does he still likes me just like before? And maybe we didn't last when we tried before, but who knows this time we will. Who knows?

So it is really hard to forget your first love. It will always remain in the deepest part of your heart, hidden but not forgotten. 

Just like my first love.

 -062212

Love...

Love doesn’t demand to be loved back, but it doesn’t mean it exists to be taken for granted

I know right? And now it hurts. I should've never took him for granted. I should've have told him instead. :(( I thought he'll always be there but I was wrong. Now I regret not telling him what I really feel when I still had the chance. I blew it and now he's gone. He'll never be mine again.

I really regret it the first time I took someone for granted. I thought back then that if ever he really liked me, he wouldn't change or leave, but he did. Maybe he got tired of waiting for me and realized that I was not worth waiting anymore. It was sad but it was also my fault and I regret it. I promised myself I won't take anyone for granted anymore but here I go again. I lost someone dear to me again because of my stupid reasons! I never thought it will happen again and never thought he will leave me too. Now I'm screwed and it's all my fault. No one will ever like me again because they will think that I always take for granted those person around me. I don't know what's wrong with me but I just can't tell them what I really feel. I can't tell them how important they are to me and how much they mean to me. Maybe I'm just afraid. Afraid that if ever I tell them how I really feel, they will still leave in the end. So I think it's better if I will just keep it to myself and hide it in silence.

 -031312