Movie: The Kings of Summer 2013

 ★★★★★/★★★★★

This movie left me heartbroken. For what reason? I'm not sure. I just found myself still crying even after it ended and I guess I should stop being so effin' emotional about everything! :"(

I recommend this film not only to teenagers but to everyone for it not only teaches us a thing or two or a lot about being a teenager but it also shows us how the lack of parental guidance affects us and how people around us contribute so much in our upbringing.

I connected so much with Joe because when I was younger I also felt the need to get away, to move far enough so no one could find me. And I guess there's really a time when everyone feels that way. When we feel like we need to get away from everyone else to find ourselves, to find want we want and to know if we really want it.This film got me so emotionally engrossed and I love how it teaches us things about life, friendship, love and self-sufficiency.

Too late...

When someone likes you, you don't like them. When you start to like that someone, they start to unlike you. Life!

I know it's  my fault but also know that I need to know what happened. One day everything was fine but now it seems like he doesn't know me anymore. And it hurts me, now that I'm starting to like him. :(

I HATE THIS! Him, ignoring me and me, always trying to talk to him. I hate myself for taking him for granted and I hate myself for trying to win him back now. Just why did I have to ignore him all this time? Why? Now I regret it. I. HATE. MYSELF.

ps. Next time, open your heart! Don't be afraid! 

031214

Guilty.

I knew I broke one of the Sisters Code. Thou shall not disrespect your sister whatever circumstance you may be in. Never! I knew I shouldn't have done that but I did anyway. I did it because I was so sick of her always raising her voice even though there's no need to yell at us. She always wants us to follow her just because she tells us so and what I hate the most is she always use her being oldest against us. Grr. I hate her. I hate her attitude. But I also hate myself for that. I hate it that I did that. I feel bad. But it was also her fault and I can't say sorry unless she says that she's sorry too.

110913

It's you!

Why are you so manhid? Isn't it too obvious that all my posts are about you and yet you still don't have any idea, even a slightest idea, that it's you. Do I still have to mention you on every post I make? Do I still have to write your name and be proud that you're ignoring me? Do I still have to show everyone that I like you even though you don't want to talk to me. Okay. I'll do that. Maybe no. Never. 

And it's so funny when you have everything about him on your posts and still he doesn't know it's him.

I give up. Ako na nga ung gumagawa ng paraan pero wala pa din. I'll open up a conversation but still you wouldn't do anything to continue it. I mean, I'll say hi and you'll say hello and that's it. You wouldn't reply after. It's like if I say okay, you'll say okay too and that'll kill the conversation. Such a waste. Sad. We both know what's there between us but what are you doing? Have you changed your mind about me? Have you already realized that you don't like me anymore like how you liked me before? It's fine! Just tell it to me and I'll understand. It's better than making me hanging on on something hopeless. Just say it. Coz I'm tired of waiting and wondering if there's still something between us.

 Slowing drifting away...

I'm tired of having feelings. :(

072513

Little Miss...

Lazy. I feel like I can sleep for weeks. Or forever. I don't want to get up and just bury myself  on my bed. I feel like it's bed weather everyday. Like everyday is a nothing special day so I'll just  sleep and sleep and sleep til I don't wake up anymore. Even my fingers don't want to move. My hair freezes and my body just won't move. Lazy me.
 
Foolish. I know I'm young. And I admit I'm foolish. Every young people is foolish. That's given. But wasting my time on unimportant things and letting time pass by without doing anything worth it, I think that's even more foolish. Yes, I'm still young but no, I won't be foolish forever. Maybe I'm just enjoying my life and it's okay to be foolish once in a while. That's just so foolish of  me.

Heartbroken. I don't mind being single. But I mind being heartbroken even though I'm single. Just how  did that happen? I don't know either. He's not my boyfriend, we don't even talk, but then it hurts like hell when I see him with someone else. It makes me sad. It breaks my heart. Am I that pathetic? Heartbroken me.

Indecisive. Yes.  No. Maybe. I'm not sure. I'll think about it. Life is too short to think twice about things you really want. Trust your instincts. If it tells you yes, then yes. If it tells you no, then no. Coz opportunities pass in a blink of an eye. You must learn to grab it before it's gone. It's okay to make mistakes, it's okay to explore, coz it's better to say "at least I tried" than "I should've done it." That's so indecisive of me.

Moody. One second I'm happy, the next I'm mad. One second I'm excited, the next I'm sad. Sometimes I really think I must be crazy. With my mood swings and everything, it affects not only me but everyone around me. And as much as I want to be happy, my mood tells me no. Moody me.

Overemotional. Maybe I should stop being so emotional with everything that's happening in my life.Maybe I should just keep it to myself and get over it right away. Like how everyone easily forgets about me. I know. I'm being emotional right now but that's reality. Everyone forgets. Everyone leaves. It's hard but we should accept it. That's just overemotional me.

071513

I hate!

Your bad attitude. Your selfish self. Your arrogant mind. Your big mouth. Your poor understanding. Your nasty tongue. Your ill temper. Your everything. YOU!

Just why in the world do I have to have someone like you in my life? You're everything I hate and I hate you for that! Seriously. Like I can pull all your hair out and slap you in the face with a chair! That hate. Grr. And I hate you but I can't hate you. It's unfair right? I want to hate you all my life but I just can't do that and I hate it! I HATE IT! I actually can't hate you and it's depressing. I want to, I have to! Just why can't I? :(( 

"Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad. Let God deal with the things they do, cause hate in your heart will consume you too."
-Will Smith

 062013

1327.

4 months to know my name. 3 months to say hi. 23 days to know you more. 1 day to break my heart. :(

I really thought this could work out. That you and me might end up somewhere. I wished and prayed that somehow this would make me happy. Happier. But life really has a funny way of proving us wrong. And sometimes when you start to think it's real, when you think that things are going to place, that's when everything falls apart. And suddenly it will change everything. 

First, you think the worst is a broken heart 

What's gonna kill you is the second part

 And the third, is when your world splits down the middle

Fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself

 Fifth, you see them out with someone else

  And the sixth, is when you admit that you may have messed up a little... ♫♪

It all started when you said hi, Feburary 8. I was surprised and well, I was happy. Coz it's not everyday that a stranger would want to say hi to you. But anyway, I just want to say how LOSER you've been. I mean what was that? You said hi and asked for my number and told me you like me and shit but then the next day you will update your relationship status with "in a relationship with whoever and I don't care!" Grr. Lame! If only I knew you're not worth it and if only I knew you're just like the other...... if only I knew! :(( I hate you but I hate myself even more. I hate myself for thinking that even in a slightest possible way, someone would actually like me. Poor me. I shouldn't have trusted my feelings. I shouldn't have given you a chance. I shouldn't have opened my heart.

Now I regret giving you my number. I regret smiling back when you smiled at me. I regret asking for your name but most of all, I regret replying to your text messages. Now goodbye 1327 text messages. I don't need you in my inbox anymore and you're not worth keeping anymore. 

040513

Plastics everywhere.

It's Sunday afternoon and I'm having fun watching Damon then I suddenly saw your post which really made me... well, a bit angry that I want to pull all your hair out and punch your face but I know it would be a bit rude and I can't actually do that because I'm a good girl and I'm not like you but anyway.... I was saying that ALL PLASTICS should just shut their mouth and live a life! I just hope karma would slap you in the face! Really hard!!! :)

I'm pissed, I'm mad, I'm angry, and everything and if I really can see her right now, or tomorrow or whenever possible, I would really really really love to slap her... with a smile! :) Call me bad or anything, but I'm just a girl who hates PLASTICS who love ruining other people's lives! WTH! >.<

FO :(

So let me explain myself first. I was nice to her and I just ignored her and just smiled every time she did that but this time, she went overboard. She crossed the line between our friendship and that hurt me. She overreacted and I hate her. And this time, she hurt me big time! So I won't be the who's going to say sorry. Not this time!

I've known her for 7 years and I love her because she's been there with me through my ups and downs. She was there when I needed a friend. When I needed someone to talk to, when life was hard to me and when nothing seemed fine. And I know that I can always count on her. But this time, I feel like we're drifting away from each other. She always joke around about me, saying things that she knew would hurt me but still regard that as a joke and she always make me feel like I don't have any right to have a problem. She thinks that she's the only one who's having a hard life when in fact I am having one and I just can't tell her about it because I already know how she would react. She would tell me that life has always been good to me, that I am blessed because I was born with rich parents and things like that. But damn, does she really think that I don't really have problems in my life? If only she knew.

Now I don't know what to do. I've read her posts and I knew some of them were for me. She even mentioned about "FO" which I think meant that she wants our friendship to be over. How clever was that? She was the one who started it all and I should be the one who's angry but now she has the guts to call our friendship over. Fine. I'll deal will that. And even though I want to say sorry, I won't! Because first, she was wrong to hurt my feelings, second, she really didn't have to slap it in my face that her life was harder than mine because I think we all have different problems in life and third, she's a bitch and mean and selfish and I still love her despite of those and I want her to realize her mistake.

But honestly, I miss her. We don't talk everyday but when we had chances we used to talk for hours. We would talk about our lives, friends, work, school, boys and everything under the sun. And now, it feels like we haven't talked for ages. We don't usually talk but now I miss her more than those days we didn't talk in the past. I want to call her or text her or visit her but I can't. I don't know what to tell her, how to make her realize that sometimes we need to accept that fact that we are wrong. Because I know that she believes that she's always right and she's never wrong. :(

011313

1510.

Well, I think so :)

Coz I'm still thinking of "if only's" and I still can't get over it.
 
If only I admitted it.
If only I tried hard.
If only I didn't take him for granted.
If only we didn't lose communication.

If only we didn't let go.

If only we held on.

If only we tried it again.

I know it's been years and things already changed but there are just things that you can't let go no matter what you do, no matter how long it had been.

And if only I can erase all my feelings then I will. But it's hard, it's not possible, specially when I still love him this much. 

1510. If only we're still together and things are fine between us. If only I asked for one more chance and if only he gave me one. :(

112512

3

I've tried it before and it didn't work.I thought it will but I was wrong. I didn't think it would be that hard. He was kind, smart and a funny guy but we weren't meant for each other.. He told me I was the one for him and that he would do anything for me. It was hard for him but it was harder for me since I had to lie to him. I accepted his heart even though I didn't like him. He was that persistent that even though I already told him a million times that I was not the one for him, still he persuaded me. He sent me letters, called me at home and and drew flowers on my test papers. And though I tried giving him a chance still our relationship didn't work. In the end we had to let go and just stay as friends. Maybe we were just too young by then that we still didn't understand a lot of things when it comes to relationship.1.

"If two people stay as friends after a break up, then they were never meant for each other."

The next time I had one was with someone I like but unfortunately we also didn't click. He was a funny guy with a lot to say  and he really liked teasing me to someone else. I liked him because he was smart and serious but I didn't think that he would be one of the mistakes in my life. I thought he was true and sincere until he broke up with me. I really thought that everything was going fine between us and that I finally got it right. I was not serious towards him at first but when days passed, I realized that he was really sincere and true. And by the time I was ready to get serious and all, he broke up with me. I was wrong, I should've not believed in him that easily. He deceived me and now everything had changed. I will never love again, I thought. And it was funny since I really do think that life just get even with me when this guy broke up with me. I mean, I hurt the first guy who liked me and now the guy I liked hurt me. Funny isn't it? We're now even. 2.

"Being brokenhearted is like having a broken ribs. On the outside it looks like nothing is wrong,but every breath hurts."

The last time I had a serious one was 3 years ago. He was my classmate and I really liked  him. We lasted for a year and a month and sadly that was the farthest we can go. I liked him because he was humorous, cute, independent, responsible, sweet, caring, thoughtful, gentleman and everything a girl wishes her boyfriend to be. We were in senior year in high school and we knew we were mature enough to have a serious relationship. First month was sweet, second month was lovely, until we had prom on our 6th month and graduation on the 7th. Everything was fine until we entered college. We were attending different schools and somehow we became far form each other. I was fine with long distance relationship even though it was hard but he wasn't. We had other issues too like communication and best friend issue so we decided to break up. I mean he decided to break up with me. I know it was all my fault and I really really really regret it now. After that, we didn't talk. We didn't have any communication until he talked to me one time like nothing happened. We were back on being friends, we were back on being strangers. 3.

"A Love Affair with Knowledge will Never End in Heartbreak"

Now I wish the next time I'll have one, I want it to be true and mature. I want someone who will understand me and won't push me on something I don't want. I want someone who is true and sincere who will  never ever hurt me. And lastly I want someone who will stay no matter how hard it is to be with me. Someone who will never let go of me no matter what happens.

102612

I suck at LOVE :(

Stop looking for perfect partners. Just find someone who knows how lucky they are when they have you.

I know. But why do I always look for someone else? There is someone who's happy to have me and who loves me for who I am. But why can't I accept him? Why can't I let him love me? Why? I don't understand. Maybe it's because I really suck at love.

We're friends. And I thought that's all we can be. But I was wrong. I'm hurt, I'm jealous, I'm wrong. I should've given him a chance. I should've told him what I really feel. Now everything's not the same. He's avoiding me, he's not talking to me and he's not even looking at me. And believe me it hurts. We're together but it's like we don't see each other. We're on the same room but it feels like we're worlds apart. We're friends but it feels like we're strangers. Or at least we were friends. And I hate it when he doesn't say hi, I hate it when he doesn't talk to me and I hate it most when he ignores me in front our our friends. I hate it

It's weird and it hurts.

Time machine please? So I can go back to that time when he asked me that thing. That thing that ruined everything! That thing that ruined our friendship! That thing I will never want to hear again! 

Well, now I can say that i really suck at everything. Even in love. Poor me. :'<

101612

I Hate that I don't Hate You!

I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I  hate you!!! 

But I really don't! >.<

That's why I hate myself even more. Because I can't bring myself to hate you.

You're selfish and cold and unfair and mean and everything I always hated but still I can't hate you. 

I hate you! Really! But I don't! I'm crazy I know. It's just that....... I can't hate you! 

I can't. I Can't. I CAN'T! :(((((((

100712

Late night confessions.

When you don’t need people to be around, they seem to be always there. But when the time comes that you need people to be around you, even just one person, it seems that no one’s there. :(

 -I hate it when I feel alone even though there's a lot of people around me. My family, my so called friends, strangers, I feel like no one cares and no one seems to notice me, like I'm invincible. They see me but they don't give a damn whether I'm fine or feeling okay. They just don't care. Well, who cares about me anyway? I mean, who will bother to ask someone like me how I'm feeling or how I'm doing. But it's okay since I'm used to it. I'm used to people ignoring me and just thinking I'm fine, always fine.
 And I wonder how it feels like to be asked how I'm doing or how I'm feeling. I wonder how it feels like to have someone by your side just looking after you coz he/she knew you're not fine even though you told him/her you're fine a million times. I wonder how it feels like to have someone comforting you and saying he'll/she'll never leave you no matter what happens. I always wonder.

But this is life, sometimes you cry, sometimes you smile, sometimes you break down and sometimes you feel high. But whatever happens, always know that there is someone who will never give up on you, God. Always think that you're not alone!

And I may feel sad, lonely, hurt, or broken and feel like my whole world is crashing and my life is a mess, but you know what? I don’t care. I’m just gonna smile and show everyone that everything will be fine, everything will be alright and I’m gonna be happy again. Eventually. 

061612

That Feeling..

You know that feeling when you just want to stay in bed the whole day, just lay there and think of nothing. Just free your mind from all the things that bother you and just let yourself be free of anything. That feeling when you don't want to move or do anything. That feeling when you just want to cry yourself out and let out all your anger. That feeling when you just want to be alone and don't want to talk to anyone coz you think that being alone is better than talking to someone who doesn't understand your feelings at all. It's like you want to bury yourself in your bed and just stay there your whole life so you won't be hurt anymore. That moment when you feel that nobody cares and nobody give a damn about you. That moment when you feel that no one ever understands you and your feelings. That moment when you just want someone to notice you and give you attention and just stay there by your side even though you don't want them to be there. That moment when you're waiting for someone to save you and tell you that everything will be fine and that he'll stay no matter what happens. That moment when you feel relieve because finally someone is there to comfort you and protect you from all around you.That moment when you feel your tears rolling down your cheeks and someone is there to wipe them away. That feeling in your heart when someone is making an effort to reach you and tell you he'll be there until the end.That feeling when you feel safe and that feeling when you can finally smile again because someone is there by your side. ♥

That feeling in your heart when you finally found someone who cares and makes an effort  just to be there for you. :">

-022712

27 ❤

27 is my dAy.. sO sAd he diDn't grEet mE..hMf.! but i unDersTand..he FORGOT to caLL.. xD anywAy..i hatE brAces..gRrRr..my teEth acHe becAuse of thEse.. =( hMm..anD it'S aLmost june..cLasses wiLL start soOn..my new life as a coLLege stuDent wiLL begiN..i wiSh i wiLL be juSt fiNe..tSk.! anD i'm sure i'LL reaLLy enjoy coLLege.. =))

.* me ♥ 27 *.