#life

“She likes to sleep. It makes her forget about it.” 

Everything. Sleep makes me forget about everything that I almost wish I could sleep forever. Almost.

I know it's normal to feel down, tired, sad, disappointed, rejected, heartbroken, left out, mad or confused sometimes. Or most of the times, everything at the same time. And I also know that it's okay to cry if you can't take it anymore. It's okay to take a breath or to pause or to scream or to cry your heart out. It's okay to let it all out. It's okay. But after, tell yourself you're gonna be fine, that everything is going to be fine. Because it's true that everything get's better, everything will be alright. You just have to believe it, you just have to make it alright. So scream now, let it all out then take a deep breath. And I'm sure tomorrow you'll feel better. Tomorrow you'll feel lighter. 

Believe me you will be fine! :)

 01292015

Too late...

When someone likes you, you don't like them. When you start to like that someone, they start to unlike you. Life!

I know it's  my fault but also know that I need to know what happened. One day everything was fine but now it seems like he doesn't know me anymore. And it hurts me, now that I'm starting to like him. :(

I HATE THIS! Him, ignoring me and me, always trying to talk to him. I hate myself for taking him for granted and I hate myself for trying to win him back now. Just why did I have to ignore him all this time? Why? Now I regret it. I. HATE. MYSELF.

ps. Next time, open your heart! Don't be afraid! 

031214

Poem: Waiting For Forever...

-JUST FRIENDS-

It was childhood days when we first met

And it was your face I couldn't forget,

We used to play and study together

Those were old good days when we were younger...

Three years and things worked out just fine

We were happy and excited all the time,

I guess we both knew but we haven't told

Maybe we just have to wait until we're old...

-FRIENDS TO STRANGERS-

We used to talk all night and all day

Then things changed like we didn't know what to say,

Maybe you've already changed and moved on

But I guess this is life and it goes on...

-FRIENDS AGAIN-

Years gone by and we started talking again

We acted like nothing really happened,

So we were friends again and I was happy

And I felt different suddenly...

-WAITING FOR FOREVER-

You were gone again and I don't know what to do

Should I keep waiting or should I forget you?

I tried my best but nothing happened

I guess I had enough and I can't wait again...

09102013

It's you!

Why are you so manhid? Isn't it too obvious that all my posts are about you and yet you still don't have any idea, even a slightest idea, that it's you. Do I still have to mention you on every post I make? Do I still have to write your name and be proud that you're ignoring me? Do I still have to show everyone that I like you even though you don't want to talk to me. Okay. I'll do that. Maybe no. Never. 

And it's so funny when you have everything about him on your posts and still he doesn't know it's him.

I give up. Ako na nga ung gumagawa ng paraan pero wala pa din. I'll open up a conversation but still you wouldn't do anything to continue it. I mean, I'll say hi and you'll say hello and that's it. You wouldn't reply after. It's like if I say okay, you'll say okay too and that'll kill the conversation. Such a waste. Sad. We both know what's there between us but what are you doing? Have you changed your mind about me? Have you already realized that you don't like me anymore like how you liked me before? It's fine! Just tell it to me and I'll understand. It's better than making me hanging on on something hopeless. Just say it. Coz I'm tired of waiting and wondering if there's still something between us.

 Slowing drifting away...

I'm tired of having feelings. :(

072513

I hate!

Your bad attitude. Your selfish self. Your arrogant mind. Your big mouth. Your poor understanding. Your nasty tongue. Your ill temper. Your everything. YOU!

Just why in the world do I have to have someone like you in my life? You're everything I hate and I hate you for that! Seriously. Like I can pull all your hair out and slap you in the face with a chair! That hate. Grr. And I hate you but I can't hate you. It's unfair right? I want to hate you all my life but I just can't do that and I hate it! I HATE IT! I actually can't hate you and it's depressing. I want to, I have to! Just why can't I? :(( 

"Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad. Let God deal with the things they do, cause hate in your heart will consume you too."
-Will Smith

 062013

05.28.2013

I can't think of any other title because I believe that if I write any other word, I'm afraid it would be too obvious on whom it is about. So yeah, I'm talking about May 28, 2013. ❤

Here's what happened, I was surfing the net the whole day yesterday and when I got bored, I decided to just sit down and rest. Then my sister turned on the tv. We were watching and then suddenly I remembered that I was supposed to check something on the internet. So I grabbed my phone, tapped the link that would bring me online (but it's directed to my fb) then I noticed a notification that read, "?????? tagged a photo of you" And that was it. I died after. LOL

The rest will be  history. :"""> 

Omg.

OMG!

OMG!!!

And here we go again.... 

 

And....

 I was so sure....

 

 

But I know that I shouldn't!!

But....

 

 But still I can't....

 

Coz I know that....

 

 

 So please....

But I know that....

05292013

One sided love...

Isn't it painful when you love someone but he doesn't feel the same way? When you're willing to do everything or anything just for him to stay? When you've decided that it's okay for you to be hurt just as long as he's happy? I know. We've all experienced that. It's painful and hard and you feel like your world is falling apart. But we all have to accept that there are things in life that are bound to meet but not meant to be together.

We just finished watching Hana Kimi Japan, again, and there was one character I was able to relate with. It was Nakatsu's character. He was with Sano in dorm 2 (they were close friends too) and the funny-happy-go-lucky-smiling character of the story. He was good in soccer and he was very supportive to his friends. He became close to Ashiya after she become a part of their school. And without knowing that Ashiya was a girl, he began to like her even though it would mean that he was a gay... Just imagine how hard it was for Nakatsu to accept that he was really a gay for liking a guy. Well, technically Ashiya wasn't a guy. But still he decided that whether Ashiya was a boy or a girl, he would still like her. 

Nakatsu while staring at Ashiya who was with Sano on the other table.

Thinking whether to kiss her or not.

 When he can't stop but be happy with Ashiya.

 Trying to kiss her even though he  knew it was wrong because she was a guy.

And this. :))))))

Nakatsu tried his best so that Ashiya will like her back but then what can he do when Ashiya already had someone in her heart? It was just so sad for him. He confessed to her, even though he knew that Ashiya was a guy and he didn't mind it, but then Ashiya told him that he liked him only as a friend. He even told Ashiya that he was just joking and that she shouldn't have thought about it much but can you feel how painful it was for him? That he lied just for Ashiya not to see that he was hurt. In the end he cried. :'(

When he confessed to Ashiya and told her that she can depend on him.

Telling Sano that he likes Ashiya and that he won't lose to him.

When the other's found out that Ashiya was a girl, Sano and Nakatsu tried their best to protect her. And little by little others came to accept that she was really a girl. But then she really had to go home. She decided to go back to America without telling anyone but then everyone knew what he was thinking. When Ashiya took last one look at their dorm, she saw everyone behind her. I always hate goodbyes but we all know that goodbyes are sometimes necessary. So, everyone said their farewell. It was Nakatsu's turn but he ran away. Ashiya just let him because he knew how he felt. But then he showed up again before Ashiya could step out of the school.

Telling Ashiya his farewell and trying not to cry.

 And even though he can't have her, at least they're best friends. :)

 

I really don't like seeing someone cry, especially guys. I just feel like crying too. Coz when guys cry, I know it's real. And this made me cry. :"(

And that hug just made me cry even more. :'(

 And this breaks my heart. <////3

 But then we all have to accept it... that life doesn't always go the way we want it.

 At least he knew when to stop. 

Though it hurts, we all need to let go somehow, someday. :)

It's really hard to have one sided love. When you have someone in your heart but can't have them. Or can't even tell them. It's painful. It's like dying every time you see that person with someone else. Damn! Why can't it be that when you like someone, it's automatic that they will like you back?! If only it works that way. But we should know that there is really someone out there for all of us. We just have to wait and have faith and pray and wait. And well, wait! :)

051113

1327.

4 months to know my name. 3 months to say hi. 23 days to know you more. 1 day to break my heart. :(

I really thought this could work out. That you and me might end up somewhere. I wished and prayed that somehow this would make me happy. Happier. But life really has a funny way of proving us wrong. And sometimes when you start to think it's real, when you think that things are going to place, that's when everything falls apart. And suddenly it will change everything. 

First, you think the worst is a broken heart 

What's gonna kill you is the second part

 And the third, is when your world splits down the middle

Fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself

 Fifth, you see them out with someone else

  And the sixth, is when you admit that you may have messed up a little... ♫♪

It all started when you said hi, Feburary 8. I was surprised and well, I was happy. Coz it's not everyday that a stranger would want to say hi to you. But anyway, I just want to say how LOSER you've been. I mean what was that? You said hi and asked for my number and told me you like me and shit but then the next day you will update your relationship status with "in a relationship with whoever and I don't care!" Grr. Lame! If only I knew you're not worth it and if only I knew you're just like the other...... if only I knew! :(( I hate you but I hate myself even more. I hate myself for thinking that even in a slightest possible way, someone would actually like me. Poor me. I shouldn't have trusted my feelings. I shouldn't have given you a chance. I shouldn't have opened my heart.

Now I regret giving you my number. I regret smiling back when you smiled at me. I regret asking for your name but most of all, I regret replying to your text messages. Now goodbye 1327 text messages. I don't need you in my inbox anymore and you're not worth keeping anymore. 

040513

Back to being AWKWARD.

I know this. I swear I felt this before. And I hated that feeling. I hated it that I swore I wouldn't want to feel it again. But here we go again. We're back on feeling awkward with each other. Damn!

I don't know what happened but when I woke up one day, we suddenly stopped talking to each other. Like we're not friends anymore. It's sad but I think you have your reasons. And I believe that everything happens for a reason. I may not understand it now, but I know someday I will. :)

And maybe accepting that things don't always go the way we want it to be would be great. Accepting and moving on. :))

032513

FO :(

So let me explain myself first. I was nice to her and I just ignored her and just smiled every time she did that but this time, she went overboard. She crossed the line between our friendship and that hurt me. She overreacted and I hate her. And this time, she hurt me big time! So I won't be the who's going to say sorry. Not this time!

I've known her for 7 years and I love her because she's been there with me through my ups and downs. She was there when I needed a friend. When I needed someone to talk to, when life was hard to me and when nothing seemed fine. And I know that I can always count on her. But this time, I feel like we're drifting away from each other. She always joke around about me, saying things that she knew would hurt me but still regard that as a joke and she always make me feel like I don't have any right to have a problem. She thinks that she's the only one who's having a hard life when in fact I am having one and I just can't tell her about it because I already know how she would react. She would tell me that life has always been good to me, that I am blessed because I was born with rich parents and things like that. But damn, does she really think that I don't really have problems in my life? If only she knew.

Now I don't know what to do. I've read her posts and I knew some of them were for me. She even mentioned about "FO" which I think meant that she wants our friendship to be over. How clever was that? She was the one who started it all and I should be the one who's angry but now she has the guts to call our friendship over. Fine. I'll deal will that. And even though I want to say sorry, I won't! Because first, she was wrong to hurt my feelings, second, she really didn't have to slap it in my face that her life was harder than mine because I think we all have different problems in life and third, she's a bitch and mean and selfish and I still love her despite of those and I want her to realize her mistake.

But honestly, I miss her. We don't talk everyday but when we had chances we used to talk for hours. We would talk about our lives, friends, work, school, boys and everything under the sun. And now, it feels like we haven't talked for ages. We don't usually talk but now I miss her more than those days we didn't talk in the past. I want to call her or text her or visit her but I can't. I don't know what to tell her, how to make her realize that sometimes we need to accept that fact that we are wrong. Because I know that she believes that she's always right and she's never wrong. :(

011313

First Love. More Fun In The Philippines.

I saw this billboard of Jollibee with this little girl along Edsa just this evening and it reminded me of someone I used to know.

 

♥

This reminds me of one of my closest friends way back high school. He was a jolly and funny guy who can always make everybody laugh. He was a bit chubby like Jollibee and can be very naughty at times. He was loved by everyone maybe because he was a humble guy and he was always smiling like everything was always right. He always had good vibes and just like Jollibee who is every little children's first love, he was my first love. :)

010913

3

I've tried it before and it didn't work.I thought it will but I was wrong. I didn't think it would be that hard. He was kind, smart and a funny guy but we weren't meant for each other.. He told me I was the one for him and that he would do anything for me. It was hard for him but it was harder for me since I had to lie to him. I accepted his heart even though I didn't like him. He was that persistent that even though I already told him a million times that I was not the one for him, still he persuaded me. He sent me letters, called me at home and and drew flowers on my test papers. And though I tried giving him a chance still our relationship didn't work. In the end we had to let go and just stay as friends. Maybe we were just too young by then that we still didn't understand a lot of things when it comes to relationship.1.

"If two people stay as friends after a break up, then they were never meant for each other."

The next time I had one was with someone I like but unfortunately we also didn't click. He was a funny guy with a lot to say  and he really liked teasing me to someone else. I liked him because he was smart and serious but I didn't think that he would be one of the mistakes in my life. I thought he was true and sincere until he broke up with me. I really thought that everything was going fine between us and that I finally got it right. I was not serious towards him at first but when days passed, I realized that he was really sincere and true. And by the time I was ready to get serious and all, he broke up with me. I was wrong, I should've not believed in him that easily. He deceived me and now everything had changed. I will never love again, I thought. And it was funny since I really do think that life just get even with me when this guy broke up with me. I mean, I hurt the first guy who liked me and now the guy I liked hurt me. Funny isn't it? We're now even. 2.

"Being brokenhearted is like having a broken ribs. On the outside it looks like nothing is wrong,but every breath hurts."

The last time I had a serious one was 3 years ago. He was my classmate and I really liked  him. We lasted for a year and a month and sadly that was the farthest we can go. I liked him because he was humorous, cute, independent, responsible, sweet, caring, thoughtful, gentleman and everything a girl wishes her boyfriend to be. We were in senior year in high school and we knew we were mature enough to have a serious relationship. First month was sweet, second month was lovely, until we had prom on our 6th month and graduation on the 7th. Everything was fine until we entered college. We were attending different schools and somehow we became far form each other. I was fine with long distance relationship even though it was hard but he wasn't. We had other issues too like communication and best friend issue so we decided to break up. I mean he decided to break up with me. I know it was all my fault and I really really really regret it now. After that, we didn't talk. We didn't have any communication until he talked to me one time like nothing happened. We were back on being friends, we were back on being strangers. 3.

"A Love Affair with Knowledge will Never End in Heartbreak"

Now I wish the next time I'll have one, I want it to be true and mature. I want someone who will understand me and won't push me on something I don't want. I want someone who is true and sincere who will  never ever hurt me. And lastly I want someone who will stay no matter how hard it is to be with me. Someone who will never let go of me no matter what happens.

102612

One More Chance

As what Nick said, "Give love a try, one more time" :) 
Maybe it's time to open up my heart to someone else!

2012 Wishlist #1210

Get a boyfriend!

*Reasons why I don't want to have a boyfriend.
1. I'm not the type of girl guys fall in love with.
2. I don't want to have any commitment. 
3. I'm not into texting. 
(Which means I don't want to text someone every hour, every minute, every second!)
4. There's no perfect guy.
5. I'm not perfect.
6. Guys will be guys.
7. I have a lot of crushes which means I can't love just one.
8. I'm better off alone.
9. I'm not confident that someone will accept me as I am.
10. I'm scared.
---------------------------
*Reasons why I slightly want to have a boyfriend.
1. I want to be with someone who can accept me for who I am.
2. I want to have a date on Valentine's Day.
3. I want to see a text message early in the morning saying "Good morning beautiful"
4. I'm jealous with my friends who have boyfriends.
5. I want to have someone I can talk to everyday, every hour, every minute, every second.
6. I want to have someone I can watch movie with, eat ice cream with, go to the mall with, star gazing with, have road trip with, and do anything with.
7. So I can have someone with me every time.
8. I wanna celebrate every month. (Monthsary)
9. I wanna feel loved.
10. I'm tired of being alone.

Maybe I should forget why I don't want to have a boyfriend and consider the things why I slightly want to have a boyfriend. :) And maybe I should try not to be so choosy because in the end, I might not get anyone at all. And maybe I should really try not to be so skeptical since someone is making an effort to show me that he really likes me. Well I hope he's sincere. ♥

But I need a sign please! Or signs. I need confirmation if this one is right and if this one is true. I just can't afford another heartbreak right now so I'm very very careful. And I know he understands. :)   

102212

I suck at LOVE :(

Stop looking for perfect partners. Just find someone who knows how lucky they are when they have you.

I know. But why do I always look for someone else? There is someone who's happy to have me and who loves me for who I am. But why can't I accept him? Why can't I let him love me? Why? I don't understand. Maybe it's because I really suck at love.

We're friends. And I thought that's all we can be. But I was wrong. I'm hurt, I'm jealous, I'm wrong. I should've given him a chance. I should've told him what I really feel. Now everything's not the same. He's avoiding me, he's not talking to me and he's not even looking at me. And believe me it hurts. We're together but it's like we don't see each other. We're on the same room but it feels like we're worlds apart. We're friends but it feels like we're strangers. Or at least we were friends. And I hate it when he doesn't say hi, I hate it when he doesn't talk to me and I hate it most when he ignores me in front our our friends. I hate it

It's weird and it hurts.

Time machine please? So I can go back to that time when he asked me that thing. That thing that ruined everything! That thing that ruined our friendship! That thing I will never want to hear again! 

Well, now I can say that i really suck at everything. Even in love. Poor me. :'<

101612

Before vs Now

Before                                                                                  Now

You used to text me every day.                                        No more text from you anymore.

You used to wait for me after school.           You don’t want me to see you anymore.

You used to ask my friends where I was                        You don’t talk about me anymore.

when I wasn’t with them.

You used to tell me everything.                                   You don’t talk to me anymore.

You used to accompany me everywhere.                                      You’re avoiding me now.

You used to care about me.                                     You don’t give a damn about me now.

You used to like me.                                        I don’t know if you still feel the same.

How sad life can be :(

Heartbkreaks.

 First Stage.

     They say that fighting in any relationship is just normal coz there are really things that both of you won't agree with. Sometimes you fight because of something like dates and movies but it's okay since we are all different and everyone of us likes different things. Someone may also be a reason why you fight because there are just so many people to be jealous with. But I know that in the end, one will always admit defeat because it's easier to lose an argument than to lose the person you are arguing with. So you can always say "Sorry..." then "I love you" 

Second stage.

     In any relationship, it's hard to decide whether to walk away or try harder. It's like answering your final  Math exam. If you don't try your best, then you might fail, but if you try harder, then you might pass. You decide. Do you want to let go of everything or do you want to continue even though you know it may bring you heartaches. It's just a matter of trust and a little bit of pixie dust. A matter of holding on or letting go.

Third Stage.

      Distance. It's hard when you start to create a distance between the two of you. It maybe to give each other a space of your own or it maybe also because you want to know if you can still live without each other. It can be a good or a bad thing. And creating enough distance from each other can help you grow separately. But make sure it's a distance that when you reach back to each other, you can still hold each other's hand. Because when you start to create a distance, you can either maintain that distance because you know it can help you both or you can stretch it out day by day without knowing it because you already enjoy the distance and the feeling of not being with each other.

-----

      I hate hearing stories about heartbreaks or letting go especially when they come from my friends. I just can't take hearing them tell me how they broke up with their boyfriend and how hard it is to move on. Let's admit it, we all have stories about heartbreaks and hearing the same stories from your friends makes it worse because you know that they're experiencing the same thing that you had experienced and you know exactly how hard feeling like that was. The feeling is, well, you name it.

     Heartbreaks are painful but with every heartbreak, we learn. It teaches us some things like love hurts and everyone you love can't love you back. And it may bring us heartaches but sometimes it also teaches us some important things in life. ♥

090612